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disclaimer |
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| Hand wash only, tumble dry
on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may
vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this page offer
is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; humor is
provided as is without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes
full liabilities; not valid in combination with any other promotional
offer; not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity
employer; a smoke free environment; no shoes, no shirt, no laughs;
quantities are limited while supplies last; if defects are discovered, do
not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized WWW service
center; caveat emptor; coitus interruptus; read at your own risk;
parental advisory: explicit lyrics; text may contain material some
readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; results may
vary; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit
one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not
be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included;
action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; safety goggles
may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the
safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only;
caution: filling may be hot; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling
develops, discontinue use; take with plenty of water; use only with
proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry
place; may contain peanuts; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling
fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes and genitalia; according to
the surgeon general, pregnant women should not drink alcoholic products
while reading these pages; may contain meat or meat by-products; do not
puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; please use a
clean plate when returning; do not place near flammable or magnetic
source; avoid freezing; please rewind before returning; late fees may be
assessed; do not reuse this website package for dispensing beverages or
other liquids; these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA; may
contain sulfites; smoking this page may be hazardous to your health; the
best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh;
not transferable; text used in this page is made from 100% recycled
electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the
hilarity of this page; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added; if
ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a doctor;
articles are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to
enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; do not insert in body
orifices; to avoid shock turn off power before removing cover; to avoid
breakage use only water or vegetable-based lubricants; all trademarks are
the property of their respective owners; do not stare directly into page
without wearing welding glasses; half an hour later in Newfoundland;
objects may be closer than they appear; may need to reapply after
swimming; avoid reading during an electrical storm; humor offer valid
only at participating WWW site; slightly higher in New Jersey; allow four
to six weeks for delivery; contents may settle during shipping; cash
value 1/100th of 1 cent; may not be combined with any other offer; please
refer to code number at the end of page when returning; covered under no
US patents; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado,
tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, baseball strike, hockey
riot, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage
from improper installation, typos, misspelled words, incorrect line
voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations,
electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that
are not covered in this page offer, and incidents owing to motor vehicle
accidents, airplane crash, ship sinking, leaky roof, falling rocks, mud
slides, forest fire, broken glass, flying projectiles, or dropping the
item; other restrictions may apply. If something offends you, smell the
roses, lighten up, get a life, and move on. So there. |
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